There are times in your life during which you want an outlet. You want the ability to just write about all the crazy things that life is throwing at you, but you find yourself lacking the words, energy, or both. That pretty much explains my absence, along with the fact that I was silent for such a long time that it made it even harder to attempt to dive back into the blogging world.
I wholeheartedly hope that this time around I’ll be able to carve out more time for myself. My family brings me great joy, but everyone needs things that are separate and truly their own. For a long time I had nothing, and now I find myself with different pastimes and interests. I need to devote time to these things for myself so I don’t lose myself, as it’s so easy for a mother or anyone with a lot going on to do.
My absence from my blog has been filled with so much that was worthy of sharing. My oldest son saw a cardiologist for his lips turning blue and was cleared of cardiac worries. He saw a neurologist because he seemed to be having seizures, and has been found to not be epileptic. He saw speech and occupational therapists. He was assessed for and diagnosed as being autistic after starting Head Start. He’s been found to have expressive speech delay, fine motor issues, and developmental delay – while he’s crazy smart, he’s very hard to teach because he only wants to do what he wants. An IEP has been put into place and he’ll be able to get therapy through the school. My youngest is also believed to be on the spectrum and was scheduled to be evaluated but had to cancel due to fever.
Both children have sensory issues, most of which conflict because things have to be even more crazy. One loves all things loud and is always being loud, the other detests noise and is always shushing the other. One is always in motion, the other prefers to play sitting still or to cuddle. They both love letters, numbers, shapes, and colors. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood are the most requested shows.
Along the way I’ve found new things to love. Sewing. Anime and manga. NASCAR. Nail polish. Makeup. Last Christmas my husband got me a sewing machine – something I had been begging for since years earlier. I fell into anime by watching Death Note – a show I had started years ago but couldn’t handle the subtitles so I waited until I could find a dub. NASCAR came about because my husband was off work due to a surgery and it was time for the Daytona 500. He watched for the next few weeks, told me to pick a driver (which equated to me picking a car at first because I didn’t know them) and it sucked me in. Nail polish and makeup have always been interests but were things I just felt weird doing. I never learned how to do makeup and felt silly trying, and thought that anything I did made me look like a clown. Now my nails are always painted and I’m finding confidence.
I feel like a completely different person than I was when I first started this site, which is why older posts are archived. I’ve done a lot of maturing and growing over these past few years, and have found things to put my energy into. I tend to be very flaky with blogging, but I’m hoping to come up with a schedule for everything! Time will tell if I can pull it off.